Lily Allen Challenges Every Female Pop Star to World's Lamest Fight

Lily Allen has released the video from her song "Sheezus" from her new album "Sheezus" and it's... not very good. What's going on with women who released catchy pop songs in the mid-2000's this week? Did they all get together in their secret bunker and collectively decide to release all their bad stuff at once? » 4/23/14 6:30pm Today 6:30pm

Conservatives Call Justice Sotomayor 'Illiterate' and 'Emotional'

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor disagreed so strongly with the Court's affirmative action-blasting decision yesterday that she broke from standard procedure and read a large portion of her dissent (which I'm legally required to refer to as "scathing") from the bench. Conservatives responded to her response by… » 4/23/14 5:00pm Today 5:00pm

Is Justice Scalia's Wife an Anti-Abortion Pregnancy Counselor?

A reliable voice against abortion, contraception, and really anything that doesn't directly promote the welfare of white Christian landowners, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is a talk radio absorbing lunatic who thinks Satan is, like, a real guy. He's also married to a woman who once sat on the board of a… » 4/22/14 6:50pm Yesterday 6:50pm

On my way to my car in the parking lot, Dr. Winfrey stopped me and informed me that I was required to go her office. She was an assistant principal not associated with my grade (we had 4, one for each grade), so this was weird, but I was a good kid and complied. In her office she proceeded to tell me that the rape…

» 4/22/14 3:54pm Yesterday 3:54pm

Vogue Offers Exercise Tips for Women Too Weak to Wear Heavy Ball Gowns

Are you one of the tens of women who has scored an invite to this year's ultra-exclusive Met Gala on May 5th? Are you also concerned that when you attend the event so snooty that last year, Anna Wintour barred all of the Real Housewives and Kris Jenner, you'll be so draped in heavy finery that your frail frame will… » 4/21/14 7:20pm Monday 7:20pm

Read the Rapey Emails of American University's 'Secret Fraternity'

"Get the bitches in the right state of intoxication so the plows will be raining all over the place," read one of the fraternity-wide emails. "She had a friend who got raped in our house?" read another. "I would like to meet this lying cunt and show her how African men tread their women." In an unrelated email chain, another … » 4/21/14 6:00pm Monday 6:00pm

Meet the Press Ponders Whether a Grandma Can Run for President

On yesterday's special Easter 420 edition of Meet the Press, host David Gregory continued to harp on the bored pundit nonquestion of whether or not the birth of Hillary Clinton's grandchild will impact her decision to run or not run for President in 2016. Unfortunately, no one had the stones to respond, "I don't know,… » 4/21/14 12:20pm Monday 12:20pm

Tell Us About the Juiciest Thing You Found Snooping On Social Media

Welcome to Pissing Contest, a weekly story sharing circle for the the ass-draggiest time of the afternoon on the ass-draggiest time of the last day between you and the weekend. Every week, we'll ask a question, you'll share stories, and we'll pick a winner that's featured in the next week's post. It's like a pyramid… » 4/18/14 5:00pm Friday 5:00pm

There's Been a Secret White House Cat for Years

Today's a Friday before a holiday weekend, which means that many journalists and other such people who write things for the entertainment/information of a indoors-bound readership (hi) are doing what's known as "phoning it in." But buried in a mundane-ish Wall Street Journal story about a fox living on the grounds of the … » 4/18/14 2:40pm Friday 2:40pm

Texas Republican Launches and Quickly Folds 'Boats N' Hoes' Super PAC

A high-level employee at a prominent Texas firm that has provided consulting services to some prominent Republicans in the Lone Star State will be closing his Boats N' Hoes Super PAC this week, after people found out about it. This is a dark day in both the world of boats and the world of hoes. And in the candidacy of… » 4/17/14 5:30pm 4/17/14 5:30pm

Hot New Having It All Tip: Just Be Rich Enough to Freeze Your Eggs!

This cover of this week's Bloomberg Businessweek features a confident-looking white woman in her thirties and the seductive headline FREEZE YOUR EGGS FREE YOUR CAREER. Is it already that time during the year when magazines invite America to comment on reproductive and parenting choices that are only available to a tiny … » 4/17/14 1:50pm 4/17/14 1:50pm

Fox News Has Crazy New Idea of Putting 4 Women on One News Show

Fox News announced today that the news network of choice for the hate-poisoned elderly will soon be launching an innovative new show called which will feature four female panelists and — wait for the twist, guys; it's so good! — ONE DUDE. It's called "Outnumbered" and it will for sure be a gigantic leap forward for… » 4/16/14 6:30pm 4/16/14 6:30pm